More randomness from my brain....

I know they say that sorry is the hardest word (they, or whoever did that bad song in the '70s), but I'm beginning to believe that C-H-A-N-G-E might be the hardest word in the entire English language.  At least it is for me.  After the wonkyness I alluded to in my last post, I have been thinking a lot (A LOT A LOT) about ME and how I'm contributing to the wonkyness.  And really how my behavior is contributing to it.  I'm trying to be loving about it and not beat myself over the head, but I'm also trying to be honest.  Honest self-appraisal?  Yeah, sign me up for that!  It is so hard for me to swallow old behaviors and reactions and try to do things differently.  And it is really scary.  I shrink from change a lot of the time because I'm worried that the people in my orbit won't like the new, albeit improved, me.  I even worry about my husband.  God forbid he wake up one day and say, "You are not the person I married."  Or maybe God willing?  Is it possible that change could be a good thing?  I guess if I'm not happy with me, then a changed me can only be a good thing.  Or maybe it's not even about good or bad.  Maybe it's just about different.  Different isn't good or bad, it's just different.  And goodness knows I want to be different than I have been.